Thanks for Having Me

Thanks is a word everyone likes to hear.  

The “thanks” I got recently sort of shocked me.  It came from my (almost) twelve year old youngest son.  My husband and I were sitting at the dinner table with him, and I’m not sure what sparked the conversation but the subject of abortion came up. 

“Why would anyone do that?”  He asked us with innocent green eyes. 

We took the opportunity to tell him some of the reasons why people feel the need to have an abortion and made it clear where we stand on the issue.  

A few moments after the conversation, he offered, “Thanks for having me.  I’m glad to be alive.” 

I cracked a joke about how he could thank me for that because I couldn’t get over not having a girl and that’s how he came to be conceived but his sweet words touched my heart deeply.   I thought about them for days.  I thought about the gratefulness he expressed when he realized that not everyone gets the chance to be born and have a life.

They touched me for another reason as well.  We have three boys.  He is the youngest and was born nine years after his older brother.  He was an easy pregnancy and birth but once he was born…my, my, my.  He was a wild child in the womb and we had no idea what we were in for once he got out! 

He wouldn’t nurse.  He wouldn’t let me rock him to sleep.  He was the complete opposite of how his older brothers were as babies.  When we took him to Missouri for his first trip home and he cried the entire six hour trip.  When he got older and could get into stuff, he would terrorize the house.  He’d throw everything everywhere.  I was constantly getting onto him.  

It was NOT what I expected when I wanted another child.  He was difficult. 

When he was in Mother’s Day Out, I thought they were going to kick him out.  Preschool was more of the same.  By the time he was in first grade, the principle of the elementary school suggested we home school him. 

It seemed we were getting emails, notes or phone calls about his behavior all the time.  After a while, it wore us down.  I didn’t understand why he wouldn’t behave.  Why was this a constant never ending battle that we couldn’t seem to win?  What was wrong?

Finally, I picked him up from school one day when he was mid-way through first grade and he looked completely downtrodden as he stood outside the school waiting for me.  He seemed sad and disgusted as I sat in the car watching him waiting for my turn to stop and pick up my child. 

As soon as he got into the car, I asked, “What is wrong?”

He buckled in and laid his back pack in the seat and answered, “I’m a bad kid.”

I immediately assumed someone said that to him.  Maybe a teacher or another child.  Anger began to rise inside me as I inquired, “Who said that to you?”

He answered, “I did.”

I realized at that moment that we needed help.  He felt so bad about himself for always being in trouble that he convinced himself that he was just a bad kid.    

Long story short, we discovered that he had ADHD.  After diagnosis, he went on medication and we never looked back.  (Yes, I was one of those people who thought I’d never put my child on medication for something like that.)  But it worked wonders.  He went from scribbling all over his papers at school to making A’s.  He is now almost always on Honor Roll.  Last year he made straight 100’s on his TCAP testing in Math.  He is very smart.  He just couldn’t concentrate or control his impulses. 

The story about my youngest child is a long one.  I could probably write a book. So, to hear him say, “Thanks for having me” the other evening at dinner was so touching.  To know that he is thankful for his life and for us to know he is thankful (when there were times that my husband and I were both brought to tears over his behavior and didn’t think we could deal) is PRICELESS. 

I often think of all of us in God’s sight.  Every one of us has ADHD.  We are impulsive, disobedient children who are unruly and selfish.  We have caused Him stress and pain to the point that He needed to fix the situation and so that’s why He sent Jesus.  He is our medicine.  He is how things are made right. 

When my son took medicine, he became who he was all along (most of the time!).  He was delightful, pleasant, smart, generous, loving and completely wonderful.  Without medicine, he couldn’t control his bad behavior.  He tried to but he was incapable.

We, too, are incapable of controlling our sinful behavior without Jesus.  Even with Him, we will still sin.  But it is much more controlled and the Holy Spirit is within us guiding us to do the right things.  He is our medicine.  He is what we need to be right with God.  We are incapable on our own.  You will not be able to be good enough ever.  It’s not possible. 

The subject of abortion spurred this blog and my son’s realization that had his parents been different people or made different decisions, he might not be here.  He realized that he might not have been born and he was GLAD to be alive. 

Is this not how we should be?

Thankful for what God has done for us?  Thankful that we have the opportunity through Christ to be “born again”?  Thankful that God made a way for us to be right in His sight through Jesus Christ?  Knowing that without Him we are incapable of this on our own? 

Thankful to God “for having us” and thankful to be alive through Jesus Christ.

Yes.

Rock

Most women, it seems, want a rock.  Not only do they want a rock on their finger but they also want a rock in a spouse.  Meaning, he is SOLID, completely trustworthy, faithful and supportive when life throws those crazy curve balls.  

I admit that I’ve noticed other women’s ring fingers and the rocks mounted there.  I’ve secretly yearned for a rock of my own.  I guess I’d have to say I must have been jealous.  Some of the diamonds I’ve seen women sporting are HUGE!  I wonder if they are rich.  Or maybe they absolutely mean the world to their spouse and this is how they received such a stone.  And then (of course) I wonder if they might be FAKE.

When we got married, I wore a gold band.  No ROCK for me.  We were young and broke.  :)

When we were married five years, my husband bought me an engagement set which included a beautiful diamond ring.  I wore it often but always kept my gold band on my left finger.  It was sweet of him and thoughtful. 

This year for our 26^th wedding anniversary, my husband bought me another ring.  It was one I’d swooned over when I spied it in a sales bill and jokingly said he should get it for me.  I threw the sales bill away and didn’t think of it again.  I discovered the ring wrapped, sitting within the branches of our Christmas tree.  He’d dug the sales bill out of the trash, went to the store and requested the ring from the clerk at the jewelry counter.  Then placed it in the branches of the Christmas tree for me to find on Christmas morning. 

How sweet!

It’s even sweeter if you know a little bit of our history.  We met in the 5^th grade.  Were best friends through school and didn’t date until after we graduated.  Then we fell in love and married.  We raised three boys living in Middle Tennessee.  I’d love to say that every day was bliss and we never had any problems. 

However, that’s not reality.  Actually, we filed for divorce in 2013 (the worst year of my life) and one night I slipped my gold band from my ring finger and placed it on the nightstand. 

Somehow we worked our way back together through forgiveness and reconciled the same year. 

It is quite a miracle, actually.  I’m so thankful for what we went through.  It was horrible and I’d never wish it on anyone else but today we are more thankful for each other, more caring toward each other, more thoughtful, more loving and more everything else that is good because of that terrible year.  How I wish it didn’t come to that!  But now my marriage is stronger because of it.  I love him very deeply and I cherish my marriage.

But what I learned most through this is really about God.  I no longer look at the ring on another person's finger and wonder how they got that Rock!

I’m so very aware that I already have a ROCK that’s better than any gem that could be mounted on a ring.  My ROCK was with me through the most difficult time of my life.  He NEVER left me nor did He forsake me during my time of trial.  He showed Himself to me through His mighty work.  No ring or stone on earth can compare to this!  He is who I TRUST more than anyone else.  He is SOLID and never wavers in His love for me.  He has my best interest at heart every single moment of every day.  He NEVER fails me.   

So, if you find yourself admiring the gigantic diamond on someone’s ring finger just remember who the ROCK really is - Jesus Christ. 

I hope you know Him.  I hope you TRUST Him.  He is the one and only ROCK you will ever need in this life.  

 

On His Knees

I had the privilege, as a child, to pray with my dad (on our knees) beside my parent’s bed many times.  That’s where he taught me the Lord’s Prayer.  Many evenings, I would go knock on his bedroom door and ask to pray with him.  I’m not sure why I did this as child.  But it is something that I now cherish.

One time, I went to knock on his door for this very reason and decided not to knock.  I’ll never forget it.  I could hear my dad praying in his bedroom.  I wasn’t sure what I was hearing as I reached up to knock and changed my mind.  He was moaning and crying out to God in a way I’d never heard before.  So, instead of knocking, I listened. 

It was as if the floodgates were opened and he was pouring himself out before God.  I couldn’t understand much of what he was saying but I perceived his heart was very heavy and he was deeply grieved with something in life.

As a child, I couldn’t begin to understand what on earth could be grieving him so much.  He was married with a good paying job (for our community) and was also a part time pastor.  He had eight living children at that time and to me, life was just fine.  I couldn’t imagine what he was struggling with.    

Now, as a middle aged person, I understand some of the things that he may have been dealing with that burdened his soul so heavily.  

 All of the things listed above! 

He was the sole provider of a large family.  He was a part time pastor.  He worked all the time!  He had to be exhausted.   

There are other issues that can crop up in mid-life that may have been causing him problems as well.  Many marriages are strained at this stage.  I’m sure that feeding our large family was not cheap either :)  Just being a parent of teenagers might have caused him to pray in this way.  The reason for it, I’ll never know because I never asked.  I only listened.

My dad…on his knees before God…pouring out his burdens is something I am so thankful that I was able to witness as a child.  It was life changing for my little ears to hear someone pray in such a way.  I understood that prayer wasn’t just kneeling beside the bed and reciting a prayer from memory.    

It taught me to respect prayer.  It taught me to reverence God.  It taught me my place in the big scheme of things in life. 

On my knees was where I could lay down anything before God. It was where I asked for forgiveness.  It was where I asked for help. It was where I pleaded for mercy and for more grace.  It was where I said thank you.  It was where I found peace.

Of all the things my dad gave me in life, I’m so thankful for this - a silent witness, outside of a locked bedroom door, listening to a great example of prayer.