Carved in Stone

Some things you can not change. No matter how much you want to.

It's over. Finished.

There's no way to go back to the way things used to be no matter how desperately you wish you could.

Seeing Brandon's name carved in stone is so final. It somehow makes it official that we will never see him again until we see him in Heaven.

There is so much collateral damage from Brandon ending his life too soon. My sister is completely destroyed. Her life will never be the same again. My brother-in-law is crushed along with Brandon's brother and sister. It is nothing less than a tragic loss.

I can't help but wonder if he imagined the pain he was going to cause those who loved him so much. Or if he was so deep in his own depression that it never even crossed his mind.

Like a lot of others, I wish I could turn back the clock and see him again.

I'd make sure I took in one of his college football games. I always meant to make the trip and see one but only caught it on television a couple of times. (One of the downsides of living so far away from family. He was even farther away at college.) But how I WISH I would have made more effort.

I'd be sure and tell him that I loved him because to tell you the truth, I don't remember ever telling him that.

I'd tell him he was beautiful even though he was a man...with a beard...and I'm not sure how he'd take that.  But he would probably think it was funny.

He was beautiful...inside and out.

I'd forewarn him about depression. (As I've now done with my own children because of him.)

I'd somehow show him the countless tears that are still being shed months after his death and beg him to get help.

Unfortunately, we can't turn back time. The loss is real. The pain is deep. The suffering for those who loved him most will not end any time soon. His parents, Janet and Roger, now know what it's like to lose a beloved son. His siblings know the sorrow of losing their brother.

And sadly, it is beautifully carved in stone.