Enjoy the Ride...

My first car was an old Toyota Corolla that you could start with a butter knife!  My dad paid $300.00 for it to teach me a lesson.

Apparently, I told him that he had to spend a certain amount of money on me a vehicle because that's what he spent on my older brother.

He got a strange look on his face and said, "No, I don't."

I worried about that reaction when he left to shop for me a car but didn't think too much of it...until he brought a clunker home, parked it in the driveway and handed me the key with a big smile on his face. (It was later on that I discovered you could start it with a butter knife...)

I'm sure my mouth hung open as I realized the clunker was my car and not at all what I was expecting.

It had a wire coat hanger in place of the antenna and spit black smoke out the tail pipe every time I shifted gears. Many of my friends in high school were embarrassed to ride through town with me!

He taught me a valuable lesson.

Do not expect the same things that your brother or sister got just because you are also my child.

I would definitely say that God is the same way with His children.

Sometimes, we have expectations and are disappointed when we see other's aspirations fulfilled and ours are not. We don't understand why we were overlooked for a position we hoped for or didn't get the raise we felt we deserved or even a pat on the back for a job well done.

We can get very fleshy and sassy about it. We can even have an attitude of "I deserve that just as much as they do!"

But the reality is that we deserve what God sees fit to give to us. It might not be what we expect or what we believe that we deserve.

You might get a $300.00 Toyota Corolla (that you will be slightly embarrassed to drive) when you feel you should be getting something much newer and nicer. But it will get you to where you need to go.

God will 'put us in our place' until our attitude is right and then He will put us in the place He has for us.

In the meantime, put the old clunker in gear and drive around town with smoke boiling out your tailpipe like you mean it! Tune in some good music with that wire coat hanger and enjoy the ride!

Carved in Stone

Some things you can not change. No matter how much you want to.

It's over. Finished.

There's no way to go back to the way things used to be no matter how desperately you wish you could.

Seeing Brandon's name carved in stone is so final. It somehow makes it official that we will never see him again until we see him in Heaven.

There is so much collateral damage from Brandon ending his life too soon. My sister is completely destroyed. Her life will never be the same again. My brother-in-law is crushed along with Brandon's brother and sister. It is nothing less than a tragic loss.

I can't help but wonder if he imagined the pain he was going to cause those who loved him so much. Or if he was so deep in his own depression that it never even crossed his mind.

Like a lot of others, I wish I could turn back the clock and see him again.

I'd make sure I took in one of his college football games. I always meant to make the trip and see one but only caught it on television a couple of times. (One of the downsides of living so far away from family. He was even farther away at college.) But how I WISH I would have made more effort.

I'd be sure and tell him that I loved him because to tell you the truth, I don't remember ever telling him that.

I'd tell him he was beautiful even though he was a man...with a beard...and I'm not sure how he'd take that.  But he would probably think it was funny.

He was beautiful...inside and out.

I'd forewarn him about depression. (As I've now done with my own children because of him.)

I'd somehow show him the countless tears that are still being shed months after his death and beg him to get help.

Unfortunately, we can't turn back time. The loss is real. The pain is deep. The suffering for those who loved him most will not end any time soon. His parents, Janet and Roger, now know what it's like to lose a beloved son. His siblings know the sorrow of losing their brother.

And sadly, it is beautifully carved in stone.

Nailed it!

Last weekend I made a cake from a recipe on Facebook that was a complete disaster.

It was a recipe my (soon to be) daughter-in-law posted to my page and asked me to make for her. So, I made the cake but was a bit embarrassed to even give it to her. It was too heavy, bread-like and doughy. Not to mention, the pan I cooked it in seemed to be too small and so it wasn't quite done in the center. I put it back in the oven for a few minutes but that didn't seem to help much.

As she was tasting the cake, I made a lot of excuses about why it wasn't good. She chewed on a corner piece that was done inside. She smiled and said, "It tastes good!" Then said she'd take it with her. I mentioned I'd like the plastic container back that I put it in as she left but really didn't want her telling anybody that I made that cake! I was horrified anyone who tasted it would think I was a bad cook when I'm not. I'm a good cook, really...I promise.

So, I'd categorize the cake as a "nailed it" fail!

Last night, a thunderstorm rolled through as I was sitting on the back porch. I was in awe as the wind blew through the trees and lightning lit up the dark sky. It reminded me of God's incredible power. I found myself praying in the midst of the storm, asking for forgiveness for my lackluster attitude I've had lately in regard to Him. Have I become complacent?

Later, when I lay down to try to sleep, I still had my bad attitude on my mind. My sin.

Then God gently reminded me of who really "nailed it" and it was NOT a fail.

He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world. 1 John 2:2 (NIV)

Jesus took my sins and the sins of the whole world and nailed them to the cross at Calvary.

Lies, cheating, adultery, hatred, murder, lust, jealousy, bad attitudes, selfishness, intentional sins & unintentional sins. The list goes on and on...

Through Jesus Christ they are paid in FULL. He took them all upon Himself for us and suffered a terrible death on our account.  Let me never become complacent or have a lackluster attitude when it comes to what Jesus did for me and the whole world.

I hope the next time you hear someone say, "Nailed it!" You will remember who REALLY nailed it for you!

Hidden

When we were kids, playing hide and seek was one of our favorite games. Especially, if it got to be dusk outside and other neighborhood kids joined in. Everyone wanted to hide! Nobody wanted to seek...it wasn't as fun.

Finding a great hiding spot was key. Sometimes, we had it in the back of our minds even when we weren't playing hide and go seek. If we saw a good place to hide somewhere while we were out playing, we'd remember to go there the next time we played because it was a new spot to hide and we probably wouldn't be found!

Why was hiding well - so fun? I'm not sure but it was, that's for sure.

It's kinda funny because what got me to thinking about hide and go seek was...sin.  Particularly - hidden sin.

I've been reading "The Message" which is the Bible in novel form and am in the book of Deuteronomy at the moment. When I finished Leviticus, I was so very thankful for Jesus. There are so many rules and sins (intentional and unintentional) and offerings to be made for the multitude of sins, etc. It is daunting!

Thank God for showing us our need of a SAVIOR.

But I'm disturbed by those who think the sin made public is worse than their HIDDEN sin. Why do some think that because they don't admit to the sin or if nobody knows about the sin then it's better in some way?

It's NOT.

Your hidden sin is not any better or worse than those who sin in some other way and it becomes public knowledge.

We are ALL sinners. There's NO getting around it.  

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Romans 3:23

Do we like to hide?  Yep...

It Takes Three...

In 1955 these two married each other.

Travis and Rachel met at a roller skating rink in Hopewell, Missouri. Mom’s account is that he came in and caught her eye. She gave him a closer look when she skated past him standing there with two of his brothers. 

The next time she skated by, she winked at him. (She openly admits that she was a flirt…lol) Then she pointed him out to her mother sitting nearby and said, “I’m gonna marry him.”

I don’t think Dad knew what he was in for because she made up her mind that day - he was the one for her. I’m not sure how the story went from meeting to marrying except that Mom asked Dad instead of the other way around.

Technically, they were married in a double wedding ceremony with another couple and when their friends were talking about getting married, they suggested my parents get married, too. Then Mom said to Dad, “You want to?” I reckon he said yes because it’s now 2016 and they have been married for 60 years.

It seems today, it’s an incredible thing if a couple sticks it out for 60 years and I agree that it is an incredible thing!

But I will tell you a secret…it wasn’t just these two who got married that day in 1955. When they were married, there were three involved. (No, she wasn’t pregnant...)

You see, they entered into marriage with each other but also with God. He was included in the vows and promises made that day. Without Him, it would have been impossible to keep those promises for 60 years. Too many hardships and difficulties came their way for them to have made it through in their own power.

They lost their third child at three months old, Annie Marie Eye. She died of crib death. My parents were both completely crushed and devastated by this. But they trusted God to get them through the heartache and were blessed with a total of ten children counting her.

Dad answered the call to preach which was a blessing but also put pressure on the marriage. Mom didn’t marry a preacher but many years into the marriage, found herself married to one. Dad grew deeply in his relationship with God and she was along for the ride whether she wanted to or not.

I was born in 1968 (child number 7) and it was shortly after that, we began attending a Primitive Baptist Church and Dad soon became the pastor. We drove every Sunday to churches in our association. No church was closer than an hour drive away from our home in Potosi, Missouri.

Usually, on the fifth Sunday of the month, we drove to a church in Rector, Arkansas. We got up before the crack of dawn and piled into the old station wagon and we kids went back to sleep as Dad drove to the little church there.

It was an ordeal to drag us kids all over Missouri and Arkansas to go to church. Not only that but when we went to church, there was always lunch afterwards. So, Mom had to cook food to take with us for lunch. This was a big sacrifice on her part I now see, because it was a lot of work for her just to go to church.

All the while, Dad worked in the lead mines to support his family. Sometimes, different shifts. Plus he was a part time pastor. Mom worked when she needed to but mostly took care of the family and home. There were strikes and lay-offs, picket lines and health issues due to Dad’s full time job. Not to mention raising nine of their ten children and the stresses that adds to life.

Midlife came with all of its testing and difficulties. Praise God they made it through and God blessed them with the desires of their hearts. They were blessed with the land Dad had longed for his entire life and built a new house there.

What a testimony to God and His intertwining of grace, mercy and forgiveness into marriage. It cannot survive without those beautiful things. He has extended those to us and we must extend the same in marriage.  Believe me, it can be the hardest thing to do.

So I want to say thank you for the incredible example set forth, for all of their children and many, many grandchildren, of a picture of marriage and how it takes more than two to make it work.  It takes three.

If they die...

In March 2011, my nephew, Brandon Bourbon came to visit me in Tennessee with his girlfriend, Nicole. I was so excited because I don’t get visitors from home often and he wanted to go to church with me. I’ll never forget proudly introducing him to fellow church members at Temple Baptist Church in White House, Tennessee where we were members at the time. I introduced him to the Pastor, the Youth Pastor and anybody else who noticed my tall, good-looking, football playing nephew!

I don’t remember the sermon that day but I’ll NEVER forget how happy I was to have him with me in the service. 

After church, we took Brandon and Nicole to eat at our favorite Chinese buffet. Then we went home, played soccer in the back yard (where I realized I’m getting too old to play soccer with college kids!) and hung out until evening.  

I’m glad I snapped a picture of him (and Nicole) in our front yard that day. After which, he climbed up the tree next to us, giving everyone a good laugh!

When I was very young, a friend once asked me, “How do you know if you love somebody?” I remember thinking about it a second and then I replied, “If they die and you cry…then you loved them.”  She thought that made pretty good sense and I’ve never forgotten that conversation from my childhood. I guess because it is true.

Since I was a kid, I’ve lost some relatives along the way but nothing hit me as hard as hearing my sister tell me that my nephew, Brandon, had taken his own life. We were all in shock. Brandon was not depressed that any of us were aware of. What is this about? We had tons of questions and nothing made sense.    

We went home for the funeral and I must say how proud I was of our little town of Potosi, Missouri. Brandon was a bit of a home town hero because of his football successes and they wanted to turn on the football field lights for him - one more time. 

The funeral was on the high school football field and it was packed. There were three buses of football players from Kansas University and Washburn University where he played college football. First, his high school teammates went through the line and left jerseys on the casket. Then Kansas University football players went through then Washburn University. I’ve never seen so many big guys with tears streaking down their cheeks.

It was evident that those who spoke, truly loved Brandon. The most touching part of the funeral was at the end when the Superintendent of schools said, “Something isn’t right about this whole thing. Brandon was never on the 50 yard line. He was always at the in-zone.” 

Then Brandon's blockers came up and carried his casket to the in-zone one last time for one final touchdown. There was silence until he reached the in-zone and then cheers erupted in the crowd along with complete breakdowns of tears by some. The whole service completely honored his life.

Brandon was just a really great kid who made everyone proud of him. He was in love with God. His life reflects that and God was all he could talk about according to his best friend, Dylan who spoke at his funeral. I can only imagine the impact he would have had if he would have become a youth pastor or ministered to youth in some way because kids loved Brandon! 

He was the type to play outside with the little kids throwing a football when everyone else was inside talking.  My son, Joseph, came out of his room shortly after Brandon’s death carrying a football with a KU logo on it and showed it to me. He said that he and Brandon were playing catch outside one day and Brandon gave it to him. Now, it is a treasure to Joseph.

There is NO question that Brandon was deeply loved and is already dearly missed.  He was beloved to those of us lucky enough to know him.  

My childhood logic about love stands true, “If they die and you cry…then you loved them.” 

I’ve never seen so many tears.

Love one another deeply, from the heart.  1^st Peter 1:22

The Church Pew

This old dust covered Church pew brings back many Precious Memories. I sat in one of these pews every Sunday (just about) my entire childhood. I listened to countless sermons and sang hundreds of old hymns sitting in a pew in That Little Old Church that I loved so well.

It was where I Decided To Follow Jesus. It was inside this building I first took part in communion (with real wine and home-baked unleavened bread) and kneeled to wash the feet of fellow church members.

It was sitting on one of these pews that I learned about God's Amazing Grace. I'm so very thankful and humbled that God brought me up here... (where my dad was pastor).

Sadly, this church has nearly died out and only a few members remain but they no longer meet at this building. God moved me along many years ago when we moved to Tennessee but I've never stopped loving this little old church. I'd mentioned to my husband and parents that I'd love to have one of the old pews from the church since the building has been sitting empty and unused for years but I really never expected to get one.

We are currently in the final stages of building a house in Tennessee and my husband went to Missouri last weekend to get some barn wood from his grandmother's old barn. We plan to use it to make a barn door for our loft in our new home.

So, my oldest son, Josh and our youngest son, Joseph went with him and they also took in a rally race near our hometown and made a fun weekend of it. I stayed home because the timing was not good for me to be off from work.

They had a great weekend and I was anxious for them to get back home. When they pulled into the driveway hauling a trailer full of barn wood covered with a tarp, I was not surprised. But I was stunned when they pulled the tarp back and there was a pew from my beloved little church in Missouri.

I could NOT believe it! How on Earth did they get one of those pews??

When I heard the story and saw the handwritten note giving them permission to take one of the pews - my heart melted. My husband planned for weeks to bring me a pew home from Missouri without my knowing anything about it. Several people were in on the surprise!

I was tearing up the entire night they returned because of how much effort went into getting the pew for me. I just can't express how it made my heart feel and the precious memories that flooded my soul at the sight of it.

What a treasure it is to me!

These days we attend a church in Middle Tennessee that would be considered a "mega church" - Long Hollow Baptist Church. There are no pews... and the building is huge. A very different place from where I came from.

But the church is not a building or a denomination but God's children who meet together to worship Him and to learn more about Him and for Fellowship.

I'm so very thankful for the pew and the Precious Memories it brings to me.

I was glad when they said unto me, "Let us go to the house of the Lord."  Psalms 122:1